SOME THINGS I'VE LEARNED/STILL LEARNING while being 27 i'm on the verge of turning 28 aka tomorrow.... and it has me really thinking about this past year . I do this every time before a birthday. I'll either write in my notes on my phone or journal just to get the thoughts out. I wanted to share a blogpost on the matter because I feel like this year has been filled with highs-lows and so many things in between and I know turning older can be seen as a wake up call on wither you're on the right path or whatever so here's my take on turning another year older and here's some things i've learned.
i've learned that no matter who you are around BE YOURSELF. don't dim your shine for someone else. don't hide who you are be your silly, clumsy (sometimes or most times) spills on herself, passionate SELF. be genuine, be kind, share how you feel when you feel it and be kind to YOURSELF. i've been learning this over and over through dating, friendships and finding who i am because who i am is constantly growing and some people just aren't good for my mental health.
i've learned that you have to keep giving love and putting it out into the world. personally i've always been someone who puts love out there and it just hasn't ended up working out for me so i've just let it go, whatever is meant to be will be. I still believe that but, my views have slightly altered when I met someone truly special this year. he's taught me a lot about myself and what i want. he's taught me what a healthy relationship could look like and just because it didn't work out with him it doesn't mean i'm never going to find what i'm looking for. i've never put myself out there the way i did with him and i'm honestly so glad i did. things not going my way would've left me completely shattered in the past but i'm still thinking whatever is meant to be will be. this is a chapter in my novel of a life and i'm okay with it even if it hurts.
this brings me to:
i've learned to cut people out of my life who aren't good for me. i know a lot of people grow through friends and relationships it's natural and i wish this was talked about more especially in friendships. it may seem impossible to let go of someone who seems like they have your best intentions at hand but in reality all they do is cause you harm. i think for years it was really unhealthy. every time this person texted me i felt anxious, i always felt like they were mad at me, they never made me feel like i was good enough, and at the end everything we talked about was surface level. when i tried to get deep i just knew things wouldn't go over well and it didn't. i always had to fight for them to hear me. it was a battle that i always felt like i lost. but i felt like i had to have them in my life we had too many memories the highs were SO HIGH and the lows well, they cut me open when i was already bleeding. i realized after new years what would happen if i just didn't speak to them....aka they just never tried to mend anything yet again it was my fault. then the pandemic happened and after half a year of not speaking i feel like i could breathe again. this one person has caused me so much pain and still does when i see them randomly on social media but i know a lot of what they say and do has nothing to do with me and has everything to do with them. i feel bad that i can't be there for them anymore but whenever i look back at all of my highs and my accomplishments they were never celebrated or even talked about with them. i'm not trying to speak badly of them i still wish them all of the success, love and happiness. we still have mutual friends and i'm sure i'll see them again. just because they lost me as a friend doesn't mean they gained me as an enemy. so do me a favor, close your eyes and picture all of your relationships. friends, loved ones, bf or gf and now picture the ones that feel like sunshine. no one should ever make you feel like you're hard to love or that you aren't good enough and that goes for any relationship. and it's never too late to cut someone out who isn't good for your mental health. mental health is extremely important and it's something you have to work at every day. you have to surround yourself with people that are good for your mental health. your life will change drastically when you do.
i've learned that life is f*$#ing short. if this pandemic has taught me anything about living it's live like you don't have tomorrow because no one is guaranteed tomorrow. so appreciate the little things that make you happy and don't be so focused on what isn't working out in your life. focus on what is and how you're feeling. also when it comes to doing something you love like watching live music......i'm never going to leave a show early ever again. all the things we can't do this year just made me appreciate them that much more.
i've learned that YOU CAN do it if you set your mind to it. and YOU can change if you want to. you can change anything really: your mind, your life, your career, if you want to. i'm not at all saying it's an easy thing. you have to train your mind. your mind is a very powerful tool and i've learned a lot about what my mind controls and i've found myself angry a lot of this year with how things have been turning out. but then i focus on what i can control aka my mind and how i think about things. it's been a battle that's fursure and i'm not throwing the white flag in anytime soon.
i've learned that (and still always learning this) you are on your own path and no one else is on the same path as you. your path is YOURS and yours only so don't compare your path to anyone else's. I think this goes for a lot of us in our mid twenties, the pressure is real. society has told us especially women that we need to have everything figured out, a husband, a job, a family, the american dream....etc. i've thought about this a lot especially turning 28 i'm nowhere near where i thought i'd be by this age and i've come to realize that THAT is a blessing. how am i supposed to have everything in life figured out by 30 when i'm constantly trying to figure out who i am, what i truly want, how to make myself happy and how to love myself. i honestly don't have anything figured out and just because i'm not in a relationship, don't have a crazy successful job, and no kids it doesn't make me unloveable or bad at what i do it just means my path is mine and unlike anyone else's. i have an incredible life, i work my ass off and i wouldn't have it any other way.
i've learned that i'm going to be learning new things forever. it's something i'm always ready to do, this year has taught me that. to read a new book that challenges my mind, to watch documentaries and educate myself on the world. to see both sides of a story. i'm learning things about myself about my mind and what i could do for others. this wasn't just a 27 thing but i've really focused on this a lot this year since i've had more time to myself to really sit with my thoughts. try learning something new, watch that documentary that you've been wanting to, read that novel that's been sitting on your bookshelf, do it your mind will thank you!
i've learned that you need to be the change you wish to see! you just never know who you'll inspire while doing so. it's so weird but with my passion for the environment and talking about my personal journey...making a change myself being vegetarian (for over a year now going on two years....mainly vegan but haven't made the full switch yet.) i've inspired my family to become vegetarians and my friends. my best friend made the switch this year, my mom and sister and my nephews tried but being 10 and 6 they haven't stuck to it. i never thought my sister would stop eating meat. she lived for it and it's been so exciting watching her change her ways and make amazing plant based meals. i always look forward to the exciting lunch and dinner texts! my mom too they both have been killing it and talking to their friends about it which makes me so happy.
i've learned that pilates and eating healthy has kept me sane while transforming me inside and out. once you find what works for you DO IT. all of our bodies are different and beautiful in their own way. don't workout to lose weight, do it to make you feel strong. i've always been active and worked out but i found that doing HIT workouts just didn't work for me. they made me gain weight and i just never noticed a difference other than going up pant sizes. then i turned to pilates. pilates has sculpted my body, has made me feel stronger, given me more energy, while also transforming my mind. after two hardcore months of doing while eating loads of greens and a strictly vegetarian/vegan diet i'm sticking to this forever! again nothing changes if nothing changes so start today the classes i do are only 30 minutes some of them are even 15-20 so i fit them in as well as go on 1-3 mile walks.
i've learned that it's never too late to make best friends. sometimes the people you meet later on in life are your true people. but all relationships even friendships are a two way street you have to put the effort in, both sides do. i've made friends that truly do feel like family. i think for a longtime i just didn't want to open up. i didn't want my friends to truly know me because of the harmful friendship i had for years it made me just think all my friends were like that. i found myself really truly opening up to my friends this year. i'm still learning how to though. i've always hated burdening people with my problems but with these friends i can talk to them about anything. i can call them to come over and they willingly do with a bottle of wine. we can cry, then laugh and dance to music. we can play catan in weird accents and there is ZERO judgement. it's been such a contrast to what i've been used to for years. obviously these friends too i've known for years but it took getting out of that friendship to really open up because i'm finally being heard.
i've learned that we still live in a very racist society. obviously i've known this and have a racist family member that we just ignore during holidays but after this year that is UNACCEPTABLE. it has really made me sick to my stomach that people don't care about people because of race and choose to get violent because someone is different or doesn't believe in what they believe. politics have shoved us at war against each other. we live in a time of google and research and SO MUCH technology but people don't want to educate themselves or their views with a click of a button. everything they learn comes from someone who knows nothing or with views exactly like theirs. this year has taught me that people have a lot of growing to do even myself because i am white and i know i have privileges that others don't have. trust me it's not been simple there's been fights with family members because i care so much about what's going on in the BLM community or politics. when it comes down to it to actually doing the hard stuff. it requires you to change everything, to call out your racist family members and have conversations with them, to help educate your parents, it's very uncomfortable because my whole life no one wants to talk politics or religion or race.....but i'm OVER that the not talking about it. it requires checking up on your black friends but not getting educated by them just be there for them. it's so easy lately to hate or get mad at someone when they don't believe what you believe or share your same views. but that's what makes conversations and listening so powerful. i've learned to just keep on learning and keep on doing the work. i've seen tremendous amounts of change in my family so i can't wait to see more! i can't even imagine how it would feel to be hated or threatened or even killed because of the way i look. we HAVE to change we have to put in the work.
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